2:14am on Thursday 7-2-2020
I’m in bed laying next to my kids as I had these thoughts...
Someone asked me how do I feel?... I said “the same” without really thinking about it . For majority of my adult life I have never made a big deal about birthdays... also since graduating high school I haven't been one to want the full attention on me, so I have always avoided large personal celebrations.
(To get a better understanding about my personality traits, is a whole different post in itself... stay tuned)
But when I sit here looking at my kids, and think back on this past year and the previous. So much has changed and happened and fast! That I haven’t had the chance to even realize like wow! Shit has changed and I'm definitely different physically & mentally.
“MOM BOD” that’s some REAL shit! Having kids can really make or break your figure... or sometimes do nothing. In my case I've always been a curvier girl, my weight fluctuates. However I have always been fairly pleased with it. Getting pregnant with my son I didn’t gain weight untill the very end and I actually never really lost it because before I knew it 6 months after having him We were right back where we started, pregnant with my daughter. So here I am 1 month postpartum after having her, trying to adjust and feel comfortable with my weight and shape. I had these wild thoughts that I was going to snap right back & be on the beach in Cabo ASS OUT! For my birthday (Pre COVID-19) but back to what? Now that I’m here what am I snapping back to?! My body never got the chance to snap back from my son or even fully recover before it was on to the next ...
So today its my birthday and my boyfriend planned a surprise for me and I’ve been struggling to find clothes I’m just comfortable in. My friends have been trying to help and everyone seems so understanding that “I just had a baby, after just having a baby” give myself time and not to be so hard on myself is what there saying... but it's easier said than done.
Its so important to not get caught up In the weight and not let it affect your thoughts and mood. Love your body! Because it is amazing! You created life ( in my case twice!) Back to back!! Be proud of the vessel that carried it and nurture and love it and it will repay you and you’ll snap back eventually. Don’t give yourself some inconceivable timeline of when you should look a certain way!
Everyday I work at being more comfortable in my skin, and adjusting to my new body and loving it. Not worrying if my pre baby jeans don’t fit me yet... BUY NEW ONES "FUCK IT" for the moment it’s OKAY! I’ll get back to my pre baby jeans eventually.
But I’m not going to rush it & give myself some unrealistic goal! Unless you are that 1% that was tiny before and snaps back right after (rare) this is real life! And not all of us have that and it’s OKAY!!
So year 28, I said all this to say. This is my year of patience, with myself, my personal goals & my kids! (Because 2 under 2 WOW!!) and we’re also in a pandemic I have nothing but time to be patient, where am I going??